Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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