Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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