I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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