So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
