I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
