you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
