i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
