explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
