i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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