Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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