i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
