Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
