Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is Oprah even human
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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