what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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