We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
