I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize