Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
