Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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