i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
