Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
