i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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