You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
