Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
