Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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