i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
