Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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