She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
