Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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