i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
