i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
