I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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