I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
