i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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