hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
