Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my liver is dry heaving
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
