party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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