Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
