Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
