NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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