THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
