I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
