if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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