His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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