ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
