My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
