Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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