I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
