I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
