Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
