I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
