wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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