Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
