Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
