...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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