And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
