apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
