So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize