I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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