The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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