I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
