First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
FUCK WHALES
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
