there's paper in my vomit.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize