Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize