dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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