gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
