Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My penis needs a shock collar
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
