I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
