I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
