last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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